


a foreign sense of self-preservation

by Mercs



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Mentally Ill Character, Nobody knows AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Queerplatonic Relationships, Third person limited re:Danny's fucked up mind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 22:23:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7988263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercs/pseuds/Mercs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny narrowly avoids another blast from his rival, although the scalding heat radiating off the ecto-energy reminds him how close he was to getting hit. He balls his own energy and fires it right back at him. His thoughts are scattered and his concentration is off.</p>
<p>And yet even as he sends the clone flying, he's not quite sure if one big secret is worth all anguish and instability that's now plaguing his life. He thought he was doing the right thing, leaving them out of his business and out of harm's way. But here they were getting hurt anyway due to his own carelessness and inability to <i>not</i> bring chaos wherever he went.
</p><p>Maybe he should have told them. Maybe they'd be better off knowing. Maybe he wouldn't be all alone trying to fight an enemy that's been stronger than him since the start. Maybe he'd have them backing him up all the way, ready to help whenever possible.
</p><p>Instead he's alone. He dodges another attack. Of course he's alone. Another. Who would want to help a half-ghost, half-human hybrid <b>freak</b> <i>anyway<i>?</i></i>
</p><p>Danny hits the brick wall with enough force to have killed a real human in a second flat.
</p><p>Of course he's alone. Why wouldn't he be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	a foreign sense of self-preservation

**Author's Note:**

> ive had this sitting in my drive for a good few months and i figured "why not post it" after re-reading it. ngl tho it looked a lot prettier when it was condensed on my phone than it does on my computer
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy??

In the beginning, there was pain.

 

And then, there was bright light, followed by too many voices all at once, all trying to overlap one another.

 

 

 

* * *

  

 

Danny blinks, slowly opening his eyes to stare at the bright, blank, white ceiling. At first, he’s confused. Where is he? The smells that invade his nose are sterile yet putrid. He squints, flaring his nostrils and trying not to focus on the disgusting smells, but it doesn’t work well enough for his liking. He hears someone walk in the room, and tries to sit up to see who. Instead he’s greeted with immense pain, and he barely prevents the pained groan that tries to escape his mouth. He shuts his eyes tightly, moving back into a still position and willing away the pain.

 

 

“Danny!” Whoever the person was at the door rushes to his side, and when he opens his eyes, it’s a familiar sight.

 

“Jazz,” He croaks. Is that his voice? It sounds so strained. He curses himself silently, wishing that wouldn’t have been the first sound out of his mouth. Jazz brushes the hair out of his face and smiles at him. The next moment, the smile is open as she speaks rapidly.

 

“Danny, oh god, I’m so glad you’re awake! I have to go get Mom and Dad— I’ll be right back!” As soon as she came in, she’s gone, leaving Danny alone with his thoughts. He hopes she comes back quickly.

 

 

 

The first question to come to him is a sour one. What happened— why is he here? It’s already dawned on him that he’s in a hospital, which doesn’t exactly ease his mind. Although he doesn’t hate hospitals, he isn’t fond of them and would rather stay away if he could. Waking up in one with little recollection of how he arrived wasn’t his cup of tea. He’d have to ask Jazz what happened if he didn’t recall the information himself.

 

 

He tries to think back on events from before he woke, but nothing past monochrome blurred mental images and the odd smell of burnt meat come up. He concentrates. Was he at home? He was home. It was after school. No one was home.

 

 

Danny hears more footsteps than before, and knows that Jazz has come back with his parents.

 

He wasn’t finished thinking, but he shelves his thought process for later. Maybe he could ask Jazz about it.

 

 

“Danny-boy!” / ”Sweetie, you’re awake!”

 

 

His parents run to the side of the hospital bed, relief on their faces. Danny once again tries to sit up, but before he can manage his sister places a heavy hand on his shoulder.

 

“Danny, don’t. Remember what happened earlier? Don’t put yourself in any more pain, please.” She sighs.

 

Danny grumbles, not wanting to put the energy into speaking. Jazz makes a face, but it soon softens into something more understanding. His mom takes this moment to start fussing.

 

 

“Danny, honey, are you okay? We’re worried sick, especially when you didn’t wake up— your father had to drive you to the hospital, I was so,” She rubs an eye before continuing. “Oh sweetheart, I was so worried for you!”

 

“When you wouldn’t wake up, your mother was hysterical! Jazzypants and her carried you into the Speeder while I jumped back into it— not to mention I almost crashed into the hospital!” His dad laughs and rubs his neck as Jazz smacks his upper arm.

 

“Dad! Don’t say that!”

 

“Ah, sorry princess. I was just so frantic then, if you hadn’t calmed your mom and I down, well…”

 

“It’s fine.” Jazz plays with a strand of her hair. “At least Danny’s awake now.”

 

She turns to him, and he closes his eyes in mock sleep. He’s still sore and tired, and wonders why he didn’t stay asleep longer.

 

“Danny, don’t you dare go to sleep. We’ve been worried sick over you, and both Mom and Dad stayed up almost all night watching to see if you’d wake up.” She scolds him gently. “Plus— we need to know what happened! When I found you, you were passed out on the lab floor! What _happened_?”

 

 

Danny reluctantly opens his eyes, but not after giving his sister a frown. He doesn’t want to speak, but he knows trying to stall would be worse in the long run. His memory didn’t exactly give all the details itself when he was alone, so maybe talking about it would jump-start it. Or it won’t help a single bit. Who knows? Not Danny. He coughs, hoping his voice won’t sound as strained when he speaks, and then goes ahead. Jazz, always thinking ahead, presses a button on the bed to move him into a more upright position.

 

Just as he’s about to speak, a nurse walks in. Danny almost breathes a sigh of relief. Now he at least has a few more minutes to think of how he’s going to start. His family looks towards the intruding man.

 

 

“Ah, you’re up! That’s wonderful news.” The nurse smiles. “I’ll give you another dose of painkillers in a second so you can move without obstruction. Although, first things first. Mr. and Mrs. Fenton, the tests results returned from the lab this afternoon and the doctor would like to discuss them with you, if possible..? She’s seeing another patient at the moment but will be here in a couple of minutes. Is that alright with both of you?”

 

Maddie turns to look at Danny before responding. “I’d prefer to stay with Danny, but... if she’s coming to us, I believe Jack and I both would be alright discuss them in the room.” She adds a curt afterthought, glancing back at the nurse. “My baby boy just woke up and I refuse to move too far from him.”

 

“That’s perfectly fine, Mrs. Fenton.” The nurse nods, and starts out the room. “Now let me go get Daniel’s painkillers.”

 

“ ‘s Danny,” Danny mumbles under his breath, but the nurse is already gone and the attention is back on him. He can feel his skin throbbing and can’t wait for painkillers. His parents and sister’s impatient faces remind him, though, that he has some explaining to do.

 

“Uh..?” He draws the word out, not sure how to approach things.

“I don’t.. know where to start,” His voice is soft, quiet— and thankfully, the nurse comes in to inject the painkillers into his IV. With an extra second, he figures he’ll start from when he went into the lab earlier. Was it earlier? He doesn’t know how long he’s been.. unconscious.

 

 

As the nurse leaves, he steels his resolve. The medication starts to circulate quickly, and he moves his fingers and head with a lot less pain than earlier. His family is quiet as they wait for him. Jazz gives him a patient smile. He starts to speak, slow and careful.

 

“I.. don’t remember too much, um..” His eyes dart away from their scrutinizing gazes. They’re worried, but oddly enough, he doesn’t want their concern. It puts him off and he can’t place why. He just doesn’t want it.

 

 

Jazz glances between her parents, before speaking herself. “What _do_ you remember? Sights, sounds, smells?”

 

“I remember the lab, kind of? I remember the colours of the lab.. and you found me there. So I guess I was there.” He returns to that focus from when Jazz left to get his mom and dad. The monochrome metallic sights were the lab. That makes sense, fits into his blurred memories. His parents had been working on something new, they’re always working on something new. Sounds? Well.. there was the normal lab sounds. Nothing exciting or different. Random beeping noises, the sound of rubber insoles on metal floors. Towards the thing that didn’t work. He was curious. Always curious. Smells? Metal, chemicals. That burnt meat smell. Burnt meat.. no. No, it wasn’t meat. Not meat. It was flesh. Burnt flesh. It was pain. Lots of pain. Too much, too fast, so much pain, so much light, so much green. He was in pain. Too much, _too much_ , **_too much_ ** —

 

 

 

“Danny!”

 

 

His eyes snap open, and Danny realises he’s hyperventilating. The heart monitor beside him beeps too loud, too fast. Reminds him of the lab. He grips the sheets tighter than he was already.

 

 

“Danny, what happened? Did you remember something?”

 

“Was it a ghost?” His dad interjects, becoming excited. Danny shakes his head, and he deflates.

 

“Can you tell us, little brother? It’ll be okay, I promise. Whatever it was won’t, and can’t, hurt you again, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Her words aren’t calming. Never calming.

 

He shakes his head again, this time to clear his repetitive thoughts. He’s okay. He’s okay. It isn’t important. Isn’t important. He repeats the two phrases in his mind until he’s calm.

 

 

“Sweetie..?”

 

“I’m fine,” He mutters. “I’m fine.”

 

His mother makes a face, but he barely notices. “Sweetheart, you’ve been out for almost forty hours! Please, tell us what you remember— I’m so worried!”

 

Forty hours? What day is it? Did he miss school? What about his friends? Do they know? He feels faint. He’s okay. He’s okay.

 

 

“I.. I.. wh.. what day is it?”

 

“It’s Saturday, Danny-o.You missed school yesterday. Tucker and Sam came to visit right after school. They were just as worried as we were!” His dad answers some of his questions without his even asking. He doesn’t want to be in the hospital anymore.

 

“Danny..” His sister pleads.

 

Danny is quiet. How does he answer? He doesn’t want them to be worried. He’s okay. It’s fine. Not important.

 

“I.. got a little shocked. By the.. portal. Then I tripped. Hurt my head. It’s fine. I’m fine. Don’t worry.” That’s a lie. It’s all a lie. He doesn’t want their concern. He lies to pacify them.

 

His dad seems to take it, but his mother and sister seem skeptical.

 

 

“Danny.. are you sure?”

 

“I’m fine. _Please_.” He does his best “kicked puppy” face— their sympathy is gross. Gross, gross, gross. Doesn’t want it. Doesn’t need it. He’s fine. He’s alright. It’s not important.

 

Jazz stares into his eyes for a few seconds before she looks away. Danny decides she at least is letting him be about the issue, although knowing her, she’ll bring it up again some other time. At least he’s free of her psychoanalysis for now. As for his mother, she frowns but nods after Jazz accepts his pleading. Finally.

 

 

“S..o..” He starts, ready to change the topic. “When do I, uh.. get to leave?”

 

Jazz gives him a face. Great. It’s not any time soon.

“Danny, you were unconscious for about forty hours! Not to mention when you woke up, you were in extreme pain— you couldn’t even move! You are _definitely_ not leaving soon. You’re nowhere near healed enough to even stand on your own without pain meds. And, even if you were, I doubt that you’d be released without a day or two of extra monitoring. I know it’s not what you want, but you’re going to have to stay here for a bit longer. If we’re lucky, maybe you’ll be released sometime next week. It’s only Saturday, and I can call Sam and Tucker to come visit if you’d like, and if they’re allowed.” She offers another smile.

“It’ll be okay, little brother. I promise.”

 

Danny stays silent. None of what his sister tells him is reassuring. He wants to leave the hospital now. He doesn’t like it. He’d be better at home. Tucker and Sam wouldn’t be worried if he was home. His family wouldn’t be worried if he was home. _He_ wouldn’t be upset if he was home. He’s starting to understand why Tucker hates hospitals, but Danny’s reasons are slightly different from his best friend’s solid fear.

 

He turns away from Jazz, resting partly on his side. As much as he tries to avoid laying on the various tubes and IVs that are attached to him, he can’t. Another reason to want to leave.

 

 

“Mr. and Mrs. Fenton?”

 

 

Danny barely notices his parents turn to greet this new intruder to his current room, though he doesn’t much care. It’s probably another hospital staff trying to make his stay even longer. He scowls, moving his focus to the window.

 

“I’m here to speak to you about Daniel’s,” Danny grumbles at the use of his full name, but it goes unnoticed. “Lab results? If you could just come out into the hall with me, please.”

 

 

At this point, he stops listening. What use is there to bother paying attention to things his sister’s already told him? He doesn’t need extensive lab research on his blood to know what’s wrong with him. He just wants to go home. He’s okay. He’s fine. He only hears his parents footsteps out of the room, assuming Jazz has opted to stay with him. He pulls the blankets over his head.

 

“Danny..”

 

“I’m fine, Jazz.”

 

He doesn’t hear another word from her.

 

 

Instead, he falls asleep without even noticing.

 

* * *

 

 

When Danny awakens for the second time, the only light in his room is coming from the fluorescent bulbs above his head. It’s dark through the window. It’s night. He wants to go home.

 

His bed has been moved back to its original, flat position, and the blankets are no longer over his head. Someone— probably Jazz— must have done this. He sighs.

 

Danny attempts to sit up on his own, and he smiles a bit when he succeeds. And Jazz said he couldn't move without pain meds. (Although he wasn’t one hundred percent sure he _wasn’t_ currently on painkillers, it was nicer to believe he wasn’t.)

 

 

He looked around the room, seeing that some of the IVs had been removed, and that his parents and sister were sitting near the door. His dad’s snoring is obnoxiously loud, and he’s surprised he didn’t wake up due to it. His mom and Jazz are leaning against each other, both asleep as well.

 

He wondered how late it was that they were not only still in the hospital, but passed out. Although according to them, they’d stayed with him, awake, for the past two days, so he doesn’t quite blame them for falling asleep here.

 

 

Technically, he’s alone, so Danny’s mind starts to wander. He tries to avoid or suppress any memories of his.. accident, but other than that, there’s not much for him to think about. Sure, he could think about school, but it was the beginning of the year, and he’s already been in the hospital. It’s not something school-related, but it’s something, and he doesn’t like it. He’d probably get called a weakling when he does return to school, and probably get bullied even more about it. He was already the most picked on kid in his class, so why would this change anything, other than to make it worse? This would be terrible for his already sunken reputation. At least he had friends that actually liked him. Danny’s train of thought switches rails abruptly, and he wonders about his friends. How were Sam and Tucker? Jazz had said they visited him Friday, after school. Had they been upset, physically or emotionally? Were they okay now? Would they be okay when he came into school next week and showed them he was okay? Would they believe him? He knows their tendency to worry like his own family— they would likely deny his word and insist he stay home and recuperate. Danny grumbles. He doesn’t want anyone’s concern. He’s _fine_.

 

 

His arm phases through the bed and he screams.

 

 

His yell wakes his family, and alerts a nurse. Danny pulls his arm out of the bed and it becomes physical again. He’s grateful it does, but the sudden influx of people crowding around his bed makes him anxious. How is he going to explain that his entire forearm just.. magically went through the bed?

 

His mother is the first to speak, cutting off the nurse. “Honey, what happened?”

 

Danny is quiet for a moment, thinking up an easy lie. “I, uh.. had a nightmare. That’s all.”

Maybe everyone would leave him alone with that. He isn’t too far off.

 

The nurse frowns a bit, but accepts his response and leaves. Unfortunately, his family isn’t as easily pacified. He’d groan if they weren’t this close.

 

 

“You know, this could be related to Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Having nightmares after a traumatic experience can be linked to PTSD and—,” Danny cuts his sister off as soon as he can get a word in.

 

“Jazz, no. I told you, I’m fine. It was just a generic nightmare. Y’know, the kind where your entire family turns into bees and as they’re stinging you a truck comes and conveniently runs you over? One of those.” He shrugs. His sister gives him a look, one of her psychoanalysis “What is going on through your head?” looks, and Danny turns to lay on his side. He doesn’t want to deal with that right now, and he isn’t going to. He wants to go back to sleep, and wake up when it’s time to go home. His sister seems to know the conversation is over, and she sighs, turning towards the door.

 

“I’m going to go get some food. Mom, Dad— you guys should eat too. Neither of you need to end up in the hospital because you’re worrying over Danny instead of keeping up with your health.” Danny knows that’s not the reason Jazz wants them to leave, but he’s grateful it does get them out of the room. He can go back to sleep. He’s exhausted.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

He wakes to a tray of food beside him on the table, and a new bag of saline solution on the IV stand. Gross. He’s not hungry. He wonders what time it is.

 

He sits up— no pain, where’s the pain? Did they give him more medication?— and glances around the room. No worried parents, no obnoxious sister, no annoying nurses or doctors. The clock across the room reads three am. He groans. Why isn’t he asleep? Why did he have to wake up in the middle of the night?

 

Why does he look almost.. translucent?

 

 

Instead of screaming like he did earlier, he tries to contain himself. In his silent panic, he returns to normal, yet it leaves him even more confused. What’s going on? What’s wrong with him? First his arm sinks through the bed, now he goes.. transparent? Invisible? What even _was_ that?

 

Is this all connected to the.. incident in the lab?

 

His parents inventions always screwed something up. He wouldn’t be surprised.

 

 

But wouldn’t the after-effects go away after a couple days? Or even hours? ..shouldn’t they have gone away? Danny looks down at his hands. Did his accident do something to his body that wasn’t just.. temporary? It wasn’t possible. The effects always went away. Always. Even if it took a few hours or days or a week it always went away. Always. It’s not possible. His hands fizzle in and out of transparency. Danny hyperventilates. The machine beeps louder. He wants to go home.

 

 

He remembers that the doctor had talked to his parents. Danny immediately focuses on what might have been said between the three of them. Did they know something was wrong? Were they going to keep him here for observation? Maybe they did know exactly what was wrong and they weren’t telling him on purpose. Maybe they going to use him as some sort of lab rat, do tests on him and see how he reacts and when they’re done do some sort of thing that kills him but slowly and painlessly so he doesn’t know it and he just thinks he’s falling asleep but all the doctors know he’s never going to wake up and they have to tell his parents that he just died because of whatever it was that was wrong with him and they couldn’t save him. Or maybe his parents _were_ told what was wrong and they had to sign release papers so the doctors could do whatever kind of testing they were going to do and his parents signed these completely aware of things and didn’t actually care about him or his well-being and he was going to die alone in a hospital before he even knew what happened to him and— _and—_ ** _and—_**

 

 

The beeping is too loud and Danny bumps his head against the ceiling.

 

 

 

His hands fly to his mouth to hold in a scream.

 

 

 

All his previous thoughts are replaced by constant circulations of _Why am I floating? What’s going on? Why am I up here? What’s happening to me?_ , furthering his panic attack. His head bumps the ceiling again, and he grabs his hair where the bump is. How does he get down? He wants to go home.

 

In the slowly approaching aftermath of his panic attack, he finally settles down back onto his hospital bed.

 

He doesn’t understand what’s happening to him, and his thoughts are scattered. None of these.. _things_ are things that should happen to a normal human being. He.. he was a normal human.. right?

 

 

...right?

 

 

Danny doesn’t know anymore.

 

 

 

The next few hours are a blur.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s Monday, and his friends come to visit. They bring his missed work, along with a note from the teachers saying he has a couple extra days to get it all finished. (A note from one teacher, Mr. Lancer. None of the other teachers were as gracious to pay him more than a glance so he didn’t expect anything from them. He was almost surprised Tetslaff even bothered to send him work.) They also tell him about the social happenings from the past two days. Obviously, not many students had noticed his absence, and the ones who had only knew because the trio had temporarily become a duo. Otherwise, nobody cared enough to wonder what was wrong. Not that Danny minds at all. Hell, the less people that noticed him, the better. He didn’t want to deal with any excess bullying because he was bedridden not even a week into freshman year.

 

 

Danny’s friends were worried, and he was honestly disgusted. (Of course he’d never tell them that, but..) Why did they have to be worried? Why couldn’t they just.. not be? He grinds his teeth at the thought. Tucker speaks up in the silence.

 

“Dude, seriously.. Jazz is saying that you have PTSD or something? Is that even true?”

 

Danny huffs. “No. She’s just overanalyzing shit again. Ignore her, she doesn’t know anything about what happened.”

 

“But, do _you_? You’ve been avoiding every question we’ve asked about it, not to mention your family’s questions.” Sam sighs. “You know you can tell us anything, right? You don’t have to bottle it all up. We’re your friends, Danny. We’ll try to help and support you the best we can through anything, even if you don’t think we will.”

 

He doesn’t want to talk about this. He’s growing irritated and it bothers him that his friends won’t mind their own business.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? It’s bad memories, I don’t want to have another panic attack, I can’t remember much anyway, and I’m getting annoyed. I appreciate that you want to listen but I’d much rather prefer if you just backed off about it. If I was going to tell you, I would have already, okay?” After the words are out, he feels as though he was a bit harsh, but it’s too late to take it back now. Oh well.

“Look, it was bad and traumatic and I don’t want either of you to get even _more_ concerned. I’m fine, I promise. I’ll be fine. I honestly just want to go home.”

 

 

His friends are unconvinced, but back off the topic. He can tell that being in the hospital is starting to bother Tucker. He sighs.

 

“And guys, if you don’t want to stay any longer, you really don’t have to. I know how squeamish Tuck is in this place, so don’t lie and say you’re fine when I can tell you’re ready to crawl out of your skin. I’ll be out in a few days, or so Jazz says.” He shrugs. “Plus, I’ve got my phone now, so you can just text me until then.”

 

His tech-obsessed friend seems relieved, and Sam rolls her eyes. “Yeah, alright. I’ll get this nerd out of here.”

 

She grabs Foley’s arm and starts out the door.

 

“Seriously, though, Danny. If you ever need to get something out that you don’t think you can trust with your family. I’m always here. _We’re_ always here. And we won’t judge you. Just.. remember that.”

 

 

With that, they’re both gone, and Danny can hear their footsteps echo down the hall for another few seconds.

 

 

 

He’s almost relieved.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was Thursday by the time he’s finally released from that suffocating hospital room.

 

He missed school for the day, but hell, he’s overjoyed to be home. At home, he didn’t have to worry about nurses waking him up every few hours to take his temperature, or stick needles in him, or force him to eat. He could sit in his room all day and avoid his family if he wanted, and he could finally prove to his friends that he was fine. (Okay, it took a few more days than he’d told them, but that wasn’t his fault. No wonder Tucker hated hospitals. They kept people for far too long, trying to study them like animals.)

 

He isn’t even upset to wake up early Friday to return to school.

 

 

Danny checks over his bag one last time, making sure he has all the make-up work from the past week. He doesn’t want to start high school with zeros— not that he’d stay at a zero, but it’s better to start on the right foot. He hears his sister calling for him, and he turns out of his room and heads downstairs.

 

 

“Is it time to go?”

 

Jazz looks at him in confusion. She’s still packing her own bag in the kitchen. Shouldn’t she be ready if she’d called him down?

 

“What?” She glances at the clock. “I mean, it is, but..”

 

“Didn’t you call for me?” She raises a brow.

 

“No? At least, not yet.” She zips her bag closed, and hefts it over her shoulder. Danny blinks. He could have sworn he heard her say his name. Was he hallucinating? He hopes not. It isn’t impossible, but he tried to ignore any supposed hallucinations he’d had since Day 5 of his self-dubbed Nasty Hospital Stay. They weren’t starting up again now, were they?

 

“Uh, alright. I guess I was hearing things. Ignore me.” He shrugs. “I’ll be in the car. Can’t be late for my _second_ ‘First Day of High School’ experience.”

 

He doesn’t check behind him to see if Jazz follows as he leaves the house. He’s starting to get uncomfortable the more he thinks about how his hallucinations might be back. He pushes the thought out of his mind and instead thinks about school. Maybe he’ll actually make more friends this year. Or maybe he won’t and he’ll be stuck as a nobody all four years. The possibilities are limited.

 

 

 

He sighs.

 

  
Having anxiety and dissociating is obviously the best way to start his school year.


End file.
